


Hemlock

by mischief_brewing



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Lord of the Rings - All Media Types
Genre: M/M, Platonic Male/Male Relationships, Platonic Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-25
Updated: 2021-02-25
Packaged: 2021-03-16 18:27:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 889
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29704728
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mischief_brewing/pseuds/mischief_brewing
Summary: In which the dwarves discover that hobbits are immune to certain toxins and that they are not.Disclaimer: as stated in this story, hemlock is a poisonous plant. Ingestion of this plant can induce serious seizures, respiratory failure, and death. There is no real antidote to hemlock poisoning. Do not eat plants that you can not identify as non-poisonous.
Relationships: Bilbo Baggins & Thorin Oakenshield, Bilbo Baggins/Thorin Oakenshield
Comments: 2
Kudos: 69





	Hemlock

**Author's Note:**

> My friend @bluebellepeppers told me about an idea that he and a friend came up with that Tolkien's hobbits could be immune to certain poisons because of their unique evolutionary path. He and I then thought of this story, which I wrote.

Rations were growing thin and the company had camped by a river in search of fresh forage. Ori, Nori, and Dori were digging for root vegetables, Bombur was investigating various mushrooms, and Oin was making sure that no one mixed something poisonous into the harvest. Notably absent were Fili, Kili, and Bilbo. Bilbo had branched off once camp was set up in search for food and was blissfully unaware of the impressionable dwarf youths following him. He trailed through a glowing meadow, picking up and nibbling on every colorful plant he could find: chamomile flowers, spruce cones, pokeweed, hemlock… All of these were, of course, non-toxic to hobbits. The same could not be said for the poor dwarves following behind Bilbo. Fili and Kili were far too young to have completed their “foraging safety” education and there were no elder dwarves in sight. Kili plucked a sprig of hemlock and bit down, mirroring Bilbo’s actions. It had a pleasant taste, and Fili would have plucked some of his own had Bilbo not happened to look back and see the two behind him.  
“What are you doing here?” Bilbo exclaimed.  
“We were just keeping an eye on you! We didn’t want our burglar to get lost from camp!” Kili replied, through a mouthful of little white flowers.  
“Let’s all go back to camp then, so the company won’t have to lose their burglar and their two dwarf princes.”  
Bilbo led Fili and Kili back to camp with arms full of forage. Bilbo was about to place his crop on the collection table when Oin stopped him.  
“Just what do you think you’re doing adding poisonous hemlock to our food supply, Hobbit?” Oin questioned.  
“What? This isn’t poisonous, I ate some on the way here!”  
“If you haven’t noticed, you’re one hobbit among thirteen dwarves. While we do have separate anatomies, I also have reasonable suspicion that you may be attempting an assassination on certain members of dwarf royalty. I hope I am not correct, Master Burglar.”  
“I have no idea what you’re talking about, hemlock is not poisonous! We use it in Shire recipes all the time!” Bilbo insisted. A few paces away from him, a certain dwarf prince looked terrified at the small white flowers in question and back at the same white flowers in his hand. Kili had made a terrible mistake.  
“Umm...Master Oin? I think there’s a problem…” Kili started shyly. Oin turned his attention to Kili and then to the small white flowers Kili was holding out.  
“Oh no, this is not good.” Oin mumbled to himself.  
A pang of nausea overcame Kili following that comment. He wiped his brow and crouched low to the ground. Fili rushed to the riverbank to wet a cloth strip for him. The other dwarves noticed this sudden movement and approached Oin in search of guidance. Oin ushered Bilbo away to focus on forming an antidote for Kili.  
The stress caused a separate wave of nausea in Bilbo and he trailed back to the meadow to be alone with his thoughts. He stared at the hemlock plant and its delicate white flowers. He cursed himself for his recklessness.  
“I can’t believe I didn’t hear them following me,” Bilbo whispered to himself. “What will the company think of me now? Will they ever trust me again after my negligence almost killed their prince?” Disgusted with the sight of the plant that almost killed Kili, Bilbo trudged back to camp.  
“Burglar!” Thorin boomed at Bilbo. Bilbo had been so caught up fearing for his own reputation that he momentarily forgot that Thorin was Kili’s own uncle. Bilbo scrunched up his face and braced for impact, only Thorin did not attack him. After a moment of silence, Bilbo opened his eyes again to see Thorin looking fondly at Kili. “I almost lost him, and I didn’t even notice.”  
“Oh. Well,” Bilbo did not expect Thorin to respond this way at all. He suddenly felt very awkward that he assumed the worst for himself and did not even think of Thorin’s anxieties. “Children are like that. One moment they’re in your arms and the next they’re at the ends of the Earth. Who knows where Hobbit children go in the afternoons between supper and--well--dinner.” Bilbo cringed at the pettiness of his comparison but it seemed to calm Thorin. He let out a sigh. “I’m sorry. I should have been watching out for them.”  
“Oh, it’s no matter, Master Burglar,” Thorin said, “Bombur poisoned himself just last year trying to impress some dwarven barmates.” Thorin responded dryly. Bilbo couldn’t tell if he was joking or serious, so he said nothing.  
“He drank a bottle from Oin’s personal collection thinking it was a strong liquor. Apparently it was snake venom. He was incapacitated for eight days.”  
“Oh, wow.” Bilbo almost spoke his condolences when Thorin roared out laughing.  
“What a fool! He’s glad dwarves have such strong immune systems or he would have been dead where he stood!” Thorin’s face was glowing pink with joy. All of a sudden, Bilbo felt like everything would be okay. He smiled back at Thorin.  
“I’m glad, too.”  
After that incident, Bilbo preferred to keep his own foraging separate from the rest of the company, if--by any chance--he forgets which plants are toxic to non-hobbits.


End file.
